OK, I was so going to quit while I was ahead, but one more observation is in order: WHY it is that things in this world won’t just follow my rules/expectation/concepts of what they are; man, I am  like a whiny child that can’t be mollified with a ‘just because’. “But why, but why, but why”… anyway, re-enter the snowflake.

Many years ago, I was at my favorite hot springs resort, on a Wednesday. Out of the blue, the distinct odor of shit came wafting my way, before long a riot of smell and loud sound was seriously cramping my vacation style. Turns out that every Wed. is the day they cleaned out the septic tank of my little paradise. And in just a few moments time, my great escape flipped into a place I was desperate to escape.

At the time, I considered the great lessons of impermanence and suffering that this little event could elucidate. Now though I understand so much more — there is a reason, a cause, a why, that my own prior ignorance of, my own wish it weren’t so, simply can’t trump.  A resort is a place many humans gather, they stay, eat, sleep and therefore shit. Of course the damn place, in the middle of the woods, unconnected to a city sewer has a septic tank. And of course it needs to be cleaned –how long would it be a successful hot spring bath if folks were literally bathing in shit. And, Wed, being the least busy day –furthest from the weekend — was the perfect time to clean the tank. No matter that I was there trying to enjoy the baths.

The thing is, once I understand the why, at least in this case, I wouldn’t really even want it another way. OCD Alana definitely doesn’t want to be taking shit baths.

Back during my initial rupa ruminations, we were back and forth on line, and you asked me something: ” Have you considered that this instability that you are adverse to might be part of the overall stability of the larger system?…And the world IS predictable in its way… only we dont understand or see the world’s rules because we are so focused on our own…because we think we are the world.” Yah, what she said ;).

Which maybe all does bring me just a little closer to an answer on why I am so easily deluded by sammuti — because I want to be. Because for all the suffering it causes me, it has a hidden benefit: It is a projection onto reality that lets me believe that reality is predictable and stable and subject to my rules. Now if only it worked…