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Month: March 2017

Alana’s 3s and 4s or, More Technically, the 5 Aggregates and the Buddhist Concept of Self

Alana’s 3s and 4s or, More Technically, the 5 Aggregates and the Buddhist Concept of Self

So, I am going to warn in advance that this is sure to be a mighty technical entry. This is about to get REALZ so, if you are having trouble, assume you’re in good company (even with this blogger) and do your best to follow along. Also note,  the stuff in this post is not a starting place for practice, this is not meant to fuel anyone else’s contemplations, though none of this is a great secret (there are no secrets thanks to Wikipedia), it can be a bit confusing. This was however information and a Homework assignment (in the next blog) that Mae Yo gave me to act as a scaffolding for my contemplations. With this blog, I am trying to tell a linear(ish) story of how my practice progressed and if I don’t explain this we will have a big gaping hole in the plot line. This blog then starts a period of more technical analysis of myself and myself belongings (from around Sept. 2013). So without further ado..

A little Buddhism 101: 5 Aggregates and the Buddhist Concept of Self:

So, spoiler alert — Buddhism believes there is no self. This is probably one of the single most important tidbits of the Buddha’s teachings; our concept of self is an illusion, our biggest, dirtiest, most troublesome wrong view!  Now that we got that out there, let’s back-up a bit and try to understand what all this actually means, what exactly is ’no self’ or Anatta . I really Like Phra Anan’s explanation of this so, I’m going to borrow it here…

If I asked you to go find for me baby Alana could you do it? The answer of course, is no. If I asked you to go find middle school alana or prom night alana or day dad died alana could you find those alanas either? Though each of those alanas really did exist at one point, now they are gone. Things, their form, are constantly changing. This is the principle of No Self in Buddhism — there is no enduring, inherent, unchanging thingness, no self in anything…there is just a continual flow of arising and ceasing. This is actually happening in every instant, but we have developed tools in our minds to ignore it.  If we look over a long period it gets easier to detect that our little snapshots of moments aren’t enduring at all. In other words, baby alana and middle school alana and today alana aren’t really the same alana at all. Alana has no permanent enduring self.  

So now the million dollar question — if we are just a continual sequence of arising and ceasing (little momentary self particles for simplicity), how did we come to the delusion that we are actually some kind of solid, enduring, permanent self? What are the tools we use to ignore reality?

Enter the 5 aggregates, which are essentially the mechanism that creates and sustains the illusion of self. I like to think of them like a watch — we call the watch a watch, a single solid thing. But in reality, if you open the back you can see it’s a bunch of gears, ‘aggregate’ parts, each performing their functions, contributing to the whole, making it seem like the watch is some constant singular entity even though its parts are always moving and changing. So here we are going to have the briefest review of what those parts are, with a special focus on the two Mae Yo explained are super key to my practice… #3 and #4 (memory and imagination).

The Aggregates: I will use the Pali once for the sake of precision and after that English for the sake of practicality…

  1. Rupa/Form — This is just the physical, tangible, forms in the world. We talked about it a bit in the blog Stop Being Such a Mooch. For ‘self’ this is our body and our sense organs like eyes and ears, etc.
  2. Vedanā/Feeling — this is just our response to something as yah yuk or neutral. In general we like yahs, but it is actually the next 2 aggregates that really control what we view as a yah/yuk/neutral and what scheme we are going to employ to get more yahs and less yuks.
  3. Saññā/ Memory — I like to think of this as a memory bank. It is a place we we have stored memories of past experiences, things we have learned, been taught and which we remember.It’s the fuel we use for #4 to start moving.
  4. Saṅkhāra/Imagination — I like to think of this as my own personal storyteller. This is the  ‘gear’ that takes what we sense, and whatever memories that it triggers and starts imagining. Imagining how you can use this object, avoid this pain, it fantasizes about the future, it innovates, it retaliates, it selects, it interprets, frankly it causes a commotion
  5. Viññāṇa/ Consciousness — This sort of goes on in the background and is not something I have contemplated.  The  best explanation I have heard for this .. if you had a room full of corpses and cranked-up the party tunes, they wouldn’t hear a thing. Even though they have ears, they don’t seem to have the ear consciousness to register sound. This is the job of Viññāṇa.

Why are Memory and Imagination so critical to consider? Its because they sell the lie. Memory selectively stores moments from the past, pictures of infant alana, details of prom night alana or dad’s death alana.  Imagination colors in the lines, tells stories that take these separate moments, which are merely connected, and makes them seem solid, like an identity. Though our ignorance has been in charge of the storage and imagination up till now, with some wisdom, we can take back control of the story telling and begin to write new memories to the bank –ones that are in alignment with the truths of this world, namely impermanence, our propensity to suffer and no self.  This part gets a little ahead of the game though. With way less info than I have given ya’ll…my homework assignment from Mae Yo was — Go and figure out how Memory and Imagination work. What is their process?

You can see how I fared in the next blog….

Buckle-up and Prepare for a Buddhisty Ride

Buckle-up and Prepare for a Buddhisty Ride

I began this blog with the idea of Buddhism, of Bhuddistiness — what I said from the get-go remains entirely true: This blog, all my contemplations, my path, is firmly rooted in the path the Buddha himself laid-out, beginning with correcting our wrong views, to guide us to freedom from suffering. Simple as it sounds, this is the heart of my dharma practice — seeing the reality that everything is impermanent, subject to change, to cease, to die and that woven into the fabric of my life is suffering, discontent, peril  and consequence, brought about by a failure to align my view of the world with its true nature.  

Nonetheless, at around this time (late 2013) my contemplations began to incorporate some additional Buddhist concepts (like the aggregates, karma, the worldly conditions, self and self belonging). These evolved naturally, some arose as topics from my own contemplations, others were given to me as homework by my teachers. All the topics and their contemplation had a purpose —  they act as a scaffolding to grow my contemplations, concepts to help me structure my thinking more clearly.

So, in the eyes of some folks, the next period of practice will start looking a little more “Buddhist-y”.  At least it will introduce some fun new Pali/Sanskrit vocab, and if that’s not the sign of deep religious understanding, I don’t know what is ;). I ask that you guys, my readers, try not to get too distracted/overwhelmed, after all the heart of the practice remains as simple as it was in all the earlier stories. Just take what you can and leave the rest for someone else.
For my part, I will do my very best to keep it simple and to add explanations (to the best of my understanding) of those Bhuddist-y topics that come-up.  My goal is not to be all fancy or make things difficult, my goal is to show the direction my practice took/is taking. To do that fairly, I need to include some of these topics…so hold on, buckle-up and prepare for a Buddhisty ride..

Candy, Sounds so Sweet But Boy Can She Be Trouble

Candy, Sounds so Sweet But Boy Can She Be Trouble

A dear friend from college, we’ll call her Candy, came for a few days to visit. Candy and I are extremely close, I love her like a sister, but sometimes we can fight like sisters too…when I look back at the visit I realize, I had prepared myself for a knockout prize fight from the moment she stepped out of the Uber and onto my front curb. You see Candy, despite having many redeeming qualities as a friend, can be pretty demanding and difficult. I felt like I was always trying to accommodate her and meet her needs but nothing I did was good enough… ultimately feelings would get hurt, harsh words exchanged and we would each return home frustrated and angry…

Candy was hungry after her flight, so I took her to my favorite neighborhood restaurant for a bite. The waiter came over to take our order, this was the scene:

Candy, “So I see you have a salad bar, but I’m not really that hungry and $14 seems expensive, can I pay you $7 and then eat only half of what I would normally eat?”

Waiter,” Um..that’s not really how it works, the salad bar is a fixed price no matter how much, or how little you eat. “

Candy: “Well then, I’ll just take an order of french fries, can I get those not fried?”

Waiter: “You mean plain potatoes?”

Candy: “No no, I like the crispness and the shape of french fries, I just don’t want all that oil and grease. Can you just cut up potatoes into strips and like bake them or something?”

At this point the waiter was looking at me with the most sad and pleading eyes, but all I could do was shrug my shoulders. In that moment I saw the truth…for years whenever Candy was difficult with me, I thought it was my fault, I thought it was an attack on me that required some rebuttal or defense, or that it was a reflection of how much she loved and valued me. When I saw her with the waiter I finally understood — this is just the type of person Candy is. Whether I am there or not, whether I am involved or not, whether I talk back or fight back or cower like a wounded animal,  this is how she acts. No way can I change Candy, and the truth is, none of this is about me, none of it has anything to do with me.  

We head from dinner to the bowling alley/ arcade where we were going to shoot a few rounds of pool.  While we were waiting for a table to open up, Candy walked over to the bowling section, picked-up a ball and was about to start bowling on an open lane when a staff member came over and explained she couldn’t just start to bowl, the lane had been reserved by a group that hadn’t yet arrived.

Candy: “its totally cool, I just want to bowl like 1 or 2 rounds…I’ll finish-up before the group arrives”

Staff Person: “That’s not how it works, we charge by the game. If you would like to go and put your name on the lane waiting list I can show you where to do that”

Candy: No no, don’t stress, it’ll just be a minute. Plus, how will I know if I want to bowl a whole game if I can’t try-out a few rounds. And the lane is open anyway”

Back and forth, back and forth, Candy and the staff member go … and I feel my blood starting to boil. Why can’t Candy just follow the rules? Why does she always act like this? Then, it hit me — how terrible were Candy’s actions really? Did they deserve the response of epic anger on my part? What if someone besides Candy was doing this, would I be so upset? If I saw it on TV, I might think it was funny. If it was a different friend, I might think it was bold. If it were a kid, I might think it was cute. If a random stranger did it I might be moderately annoyed, I might look at them all judgey, but I wouldn’t be filled with this kind of rage. But again, I still think this is about me, that it reflects on me (that the whole room is looking on and knows she is my friend, I brought her here, I ruined the fun and games), that it speaks to who I am as a person, what friends I choose to keep.

As I contemplated this my anger began to fade. I realized that it was my interpretation of my friend’s actions that were generating my negative emotionsmy anger was entirely self created. Moreover, I saw that I already have so much narrative around who Candy is and how I should respond to her that I almost default to anger and annoyance whenever I see her, no matter what her actions are (seriously, she could be bottle feeding rescue kittens and I would  find some way to feel offended — just forcing those helpless kittens to eat her food). I saw how my pattern of  conditioned responses to Candy was keeping us in a cycle of fighting. So while Candy’s actions and personality weren’t on me, this anger, this cycle were, they were entirely my fault. After this incident, I began catching myself whenever I went into default anger mode. I began seeing the causes of my anger instead of just lashing-out.

This ended up being a critical story in my Dharma practice and my personal growth –I owe Candy a great deal of thanks. Here is where I started to learn to discern what stuff was on me to address and fix (i.e. my personality traits, my wrong views) and what was not about me at all, what was beyond my control (other people’s personality and views). Moreover, I saw it was all my imagination, my wrong perceptions that fueled my confusion, before this story,  I pretty much had it entirely backwards: I believed, Candy’s personality/actions were about me (and something I could fix), but my anger and my response, that was her fault –after all who wouldn’t get frustrated with Candy?

Warning: another blogger’s late addition prerogative is coming here —  When I think about my practice, what it has given me, I think about it a lot in terms of freedom. I want to be free, I think most of us do, but wrong views are actually a trap, a shackle.  Before with Candy, I was stuck in a cycle, she would do something, I would get angry, we would fight. Or I would do something, she would get angry and I would need to fight back. Either way..it was like a movie on a loop with no end..it was the complete opposite of freedom.  

Now, I have choices. Candy (or anyone else) can do something and I can respond, or not respond, as is appropriate to the situation –not just based on the same old script (which was fueled by my anger and hurt and wrong views). Moreover, by not making everything other people say and do about me, I can observe patterns in their actions and behaviors with greater clarity. I can actually fulfill my roles and responsibilities better,  prepare for when I interact with them more. I can make smarter real-life decisions, about what to say and do that are actually a response to others, not just to my beliefs about them, that are really my beliefs about me, projected outwardly onto them (you can look at hugs for the homeless in the first blog entry  for an example of this).  With these new options, finally come greater degrees of freedom.

The Green-Not-So-Green Purse

The Green-Not-So-Green Purse

Eric and I were in Hawaii and, me being a sucker for all things touristy and kitschy, got sold on tickets to a submarine ride. We took our seats on board and the boat began to descend. Down and down we went into a world that looks so different than what I’m used to. I peeled my eyes away from the window for just a sec and I noticed that my very bright neon green bag was changing colors.

This bag was green, I mean really green. Bright enough to make your eyes sore green. Flashy enough to announce to the whole world that I was coming from a mile away green. But here, on the submarine it was turning yellowish-puke-brown. Fortunately for this fashionista, light wave refraction did not fail, and as we surfaced an hour later,  I watched my bag change back from brown to puke to lime to that neon green I had paid so much to enjoy.

Clearly, colors appear differently at deeper depths of water, this is not a magical mystery, there is a perfectly good scientific explination. But later, when I was reflecting on my bag going hyper color on me, I realized I really believed the bag was green, that was its color, it had a natural and true (permanent) green state. But by changing colors under water my bag gave me the very first glimpse I had of an important reality — greeness, or any quality for that matter, is dependent on the circumstances. Both the circumstances of the object and, even more importantly from a Dharma perspective, the circumstances of the viewer (a certain me-monster in this case).

At the time, this was a quick contemplation, and ah that’s nice moment. Later, when we hit the Big Buddhisty Topic of the 8 Worldly Conditions,  this idea will return again in a much more impactful way. For now let’s leave it with the eerie feeling I got on that submarine, that I haven’t really been able to shake since, that the  world may not be exactly as it seems/ as I believe it to be.   

 

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