Contemplations from the 2015 Retreat: A Relief From Unbearable Burdens
For the longest time, I had seen practicing the Dharma as a struggle. A sacrifice. Something I endured for the promise of a better future, or being a better person, or at least understanding the world more clearly. Of course, it had already been of benefit to me, I saw results; otherwise why in the heck would I keep pushing? But, to be honest, most of the time I imagined my path as me groping in the dark along a thorny road…heavy, serious, a burden I attended to out of a mix of fear, guilt, self-judgment/hate, pride in small victories, and a sprinkle of hope to keep me going.
When LP Nut and I were talking about my wrong views around future options he shared a perspective on practicing that completely shifted my paradigm. For that, I am eternally grateful. Here Dear Reader is a short blog on my paradigm shift: Practice as a relief for unbearable burdens.
LP Nut shared the story of a hike LP Anan had led in which everyone had to take a heavy object along with them. LP Nut took a chair. He labored through the hike, panting, sweating, and at the end LP Anan looked at him and asked, “why are you still carrying the chair?” As LP Nut explained, my mind was already racing: All of our life we carry around the burdens of our responsibilities, of acquiring and maintain our shit, of nurturing our relationships, of caring for our bodies, of making it through this life one day at a time. But these burdens are like chairs on a hike — we don’t need to carry them — we really can just put them down. Pchwwwfffzzz – that, My Friends, is the sound of my mind being blown. Practice is for the relief of unbearable burdens.
I can’t say my practice is always a cake walk, that it doesn’t take time, dedication and some compromise (sometimes it’s a bit like taking bitter medicine). But what I once saw as harrowing trek along a dark, thorny, road now shines in my mind as a light in that dead of night, a warm blanket against the cold, a balm for my tired feet. Instead of all harshness, my path became a comfort. The Dharma is my faithful companion that no one can ever take away; it is where I go for refuge from my burdens.