A Less Than Relaxing Day at the Hot Springs
I was at my favorite hot springs, lounging in one of the bathtubs, warm water and blissful serenity washing over me. Then suddenly, I heard the roaring sound of a jackhammer in the not distant enough distance — goddamn construction totally fucking with my chi . So annoying!!! Out of nowhere, it hit me — if I actually controlled my body, I wouldn’t hear the noise. I could just shut it off at my ears, or in my head. If I did control this body, all manner of sensations could swirl around me, but I would be like a radio, able to tune my senses to pleasant sensations and tune away from unpleasant ones.
The self — with my wants, aversions and desires — is so clearly not the body (rupa) vessel. The body is impervious to my wants and desires. The self is so clearly not the owner of the body; the body bows to the rules of the physical world, it doesn’t oblige the standards or rules of the self. A jackhammer is too loud. It is definitely too loud for a hot springs resort where I am trying to vacation. And yet, here we are, a physical environment I don’t control effecting a body that I clearly also don’t control. Why would I — they are both made of the same stuffs.
Sure, I am a factor, a force that can use one form to act on another form, but I am bound by the rules of form. I can act only in accordance with what those rules will allow. And all the appropriate physical conditions need to be met in order for me to obtain the effect I want. In other words –I am one factor in shaping the physical world. I am subject to it, not sovereign.
A bird cant soar without wind despite having a physical body conditioned for flight. A fish can’t swim without water. An Alana cant shut off a sound at my ears without an implement, like earplugs to block the sound. A fatso Alana can’t will herself thin, the required changes and conditions for thinness must be met in the body. An Alana cant halt aging and time at all. Nothing can.
Moreover, the impact I am able to have on this form may or may not yield the effect I want. All last week, I kept putting Chapstick on my dry lips to help them heal them and the result I got was a terrible breakout. Clearly, I don’t control my body or I could avoid the unintended consequences that came with my efforts to manipulate it. Guess I’ll be tossing that lip gloss…
