Ever since I was a kid, I wanted a fish tank. I’m not talking about the small bowl you throw a goldfish into, I am taking the mega fancy big tanks with the super colorful fish. My Mom used to take me to the fish store so I could stare in awe as a kid. Each tank its own little world, pretty, and orderly and perfectly balanced. When I moved to Texas, now as an adult, the dream was fueled…
So…we again have a mighty important, but mighty technical blog before us here. I will issue my standard caveat that I share some of these wonkier contemplations not to mess with your mind, nor as a model for anyone else’s practice to follow. They are here because they played a formative part in my own path, my evolution of thought, so I feel like I can’t really leave them out of a blog about my path…though seriously, I wish I…
Introductory Note on Timing: As I was writing the last few blogs I noticed that I had accidentally skipped over this current entry, about yielding, that I had meant to post back in the ‘Odds and Ends’ period. It comes from summer 2013 and, since we are already a little out of order, I thought I would include it this week before we get back to our ‘regularly scheduled blog’… If you don’t come, I’ll go…If you don’t…
So Dear Reader, as a re-cap, we are taking a break from our regularly scheduled program and interrupting this nice, orderly, temporally linear(ish) blog about my practice with an intrusion from the present day…. inspired by the filth, noise, overcrowding and rudeness of NYC…I bring you part four in my blog about hate. Last week, we left off with a real shift, a lightening of my hate load brought about by my seeing it for what it really is —…
So Dear Reader, as a re-cap, we are taking a break from our regularly scheduled program and interrupting this nice, orderly, temporally linear(ish) blog about my practice with an intrusion from the present day…. inspired by the filth, noise, overcrowding and rudeness of NYC…I bring you part three in my blog about hate. We left off last week with a moment of realization: Hate is not built into the situations where I feel hateful, the seed of hate lies in…
So Dear Reader, as a re-cap, we are taking a break from our regularly scheduled program and interrupting this nice, orderly, temporally linear(ish) blog about my practice with an intrusion from the present day…. inspired by the filth, noise, overcrowding and rudeness of NYC…I bring you part two in my blog about hate. We left off last week exploring all the pain and suffering that comes with being a hater. So, the question DeJour: If it hurts so bad, why…
Well Dear Reader, it has been about a year since the last interruption from our regularly scheduled program and, at risk of starting an unintended holiday tradition, I will beg your pardon for interrupting this nice,orderly, temporally linear(ish) blog with yet another intrusion from the present day…. The thing is, it’s been about a year since my ill-fated move to NY and I still absolutely hate it here. Through herculean efforts (and a pretty penny) I have devised schemes to…
From as early as I could remember, my parents, my teachers, my community, were all training me, grooming me for a job. The particular job didn’t really matter so much, but it had to be something white collar, managerial/officey. In the upper middle class Jewish community I grew-up in, doctors, lawyers, accountants were first choices, but, being the do-gooder I was, my gig as a nonprofit fundraiser was perfectly acceptable. The main point is, in my community, in my mind,…
Flashlight: I lost my friggin flashlight. Again. Sooo annoyed. I put it outside in the sun to charge at the retreat center. Someone must have moved it. Or maybe I just forgot it somewhere. I go questing, find it on a table, ‘sweet my flashlight found!’ Darkness comes and I am prepared, I turn on my flashlight, but no light. Its broken, or it didn’t charge. Now I need to borrow a light…Ugh, fucking flashlight! But wait…when l put that…
In my life, I have moved around a lot. In the last 15 years I have lived in New Orleans, New York, Nashville, Atlanta, Houston and San Francisco. Six cities, 8 houses, you would think I would be a pro by now, that moving would be easy for someone like me. But the truth is, each move is torture. So much anxiety, such a deep sense of loss. When my husband started considering a job in Chicago, I started the…
I had an old friend, we’ll call her Ebony, come to visit. Ebony and I were dear friends in college and beyond, but we had drifted apart for 2-3 years before, out of the blue, she called to arrange a visit. I was so happy to see my friend when she arrived and even happier to see that she was happy and thriving in a way I had never seen before. Ebony, though an amazing person and great friend, had…
After sharing the prior two contemplations with Mae Yo, I asked the following 3 questions for clarification. Mae Yo’s answers are in green below: Question Part 1) From my contemplation it seems that sometimes karmic debt is something we create through feelings and interpretations of our own actions. Sometimes however it seems to be initiated by others. Is this correct and if so then whats the balance–how do I reconcile these two ideas? consequences? Yes, karma works in both ways….
I was starting to feel like, “oh, I totally get this karma thing”, It’s something I create through my thoughts (you can read the last blog post). Then, Mae Yo comes out with a Youtube Q and A — Karmic Creditor — and I feel like “oh shit, I am totally karma screwed”. The video was about the power our karmic creditors can have over us and it made me realize I better contemplate a bit more on how karma…
I was reading a short story that got me thinking about Karma. The extra short version goes something like this… A woman was sitting on a train trying to read, when a man came, sat down next to her and started talking. She was busy, not interested in a conversation, and politely found a way to excuse herself. The story ends with this man committing suicide by jumping off the train and the woman ravished by guilt that she may…
Karma is one of those Bhuddisty topics that’s big, huge. Understanding it fully is equivalent to understanding the whole kit-n-kaboodle of how this world works, how we came to be born, the cycle we are stuck in and how to bring about its cessation. In other words, my details are pretty sketchy ;). Arguably it was way too big a topic for me at the time in my practice I began to consider it (the next entry dates back to…
We’ll begin this entry with a little civics lesson about the San Francisco jury selection process. Basically, everyone eligible to serve on a jury can be called on once a year. If summoned, you don’t necessarily need to go to court, you get place on stand-by. Each day you call in and see if you were selected to serve on the jury pool, if not, you simply need to call in the next day. If you make it a whole…
I love my mom, but I’m ashamed to admit, I haven’t always given her a fair shake. I haven’t always appreciated her. I haven’t always yielded to her. Frankly, I haven’t always viewed her with the soft, forgiving, eyes I offer to other loved ones in my life. I have my reasons. I have my beliefs. I have my agenda. I always have me me me my my my. And the result of all the me and my, in this…
Note from the present day: This story was one of my early contemplations on the slights and discomforts I face in my everyday life. The slights and discomforts I invite on in, in exchange for those sweet, snowy, moments I desire. As suffering goes, these little blips are barely perceptible and so easily forgotten. But it is actually their normality, their pervasiveness, that make them such compelling evidence of the trade offs, the sufferings for enjoyments, I chose. Because the…
On the tail of so much travel — India, Hawaii — it’s wasn’t terribly surprising that my To Do list was insanely long. Doctors visits and taxes to pay and calls to make, oh my. What did strike me as odd though was the feeling in my heart as I looked at the list, it might as well have said “lions and tigers and bears oh my.” I sat at my desk, carefully writing out each to do, creating sublists…
