Eric and I stayed in a hotel that, despite a high price point, and a luxury brand, was truly a dump. Throughout my stay, I reflected on the business practices that I observed that clearly led to such crappy customer service, crappy maintenance, crappy follow-through on promises made. The cause and effect was so clear. I didn’t particularly enjoy the stay, but when I considered the property and the guest experience as a whole, I didn’t really take it personally, this is how a company with this particular set of practices treats all customers.

But when I wrote an honest review of my terrible stay, so others could steer clear, I was surprised when the company wrote a personal reply back that clearly missed the point and reflected, once again, the terrible communication and customer service that had led to such a bad stay in the first place. In truth, I wasn’t just surprised, I was indignant.

As I sat and fumed at, feeling unheard and disrespected by this company, I got to thinking… why should I have expected anything different? Why was I so much angrier, now, weeks after the stay, when the reply I got to my review was totally consistent with every other aspect of my experience with the company?

I realized that before, I had more or less made abstract observations of the business. But when I got the reply, it felt personal, it was directed to me, it felt like it was about me…

On some level, I think I am exceptional. That is a known blind spot for me. Alana the special snowflake — I have studied and observed it over and over. Now, in this context, it is a barrier to my seeing the complete picture. The natural effects that arise from the causes this business put in place in this situation.

Secondly, I believe things should operate according to my standards. I believe that things will behave according to my expectations, my past experiences with this very hotel brand. But the truth is, everything is exactly as it should be, results arising in accord with the reasons that put them in place.

Not understanding karma is just one more, albeit exceptionally deep, wrong view, because it is a failure to see that everything is exactly as it should be. Anytime I feel insulted, indignant that shit isn’t how it should be, I have a wrong view that things could be any other way. Even just shock, mild surprise, arise from this common wrong, incomplete view, that things will happen according to my expectations, my limited experience. It’s a hope that shit in this world can ever be other than what it actually is. Just because I don’t see all the causes and conditions that give rise to something, it doesn’t mean they don’t exist, or they could yield a different outcome. Ego is blinding me.

A while back, I had seen the first movie in the John Wick series. It opens with a guy, living a quiet suburban life, mourning the loss of his wife, clinging to hope and comfort in a new puppy she had bought for him before she died. The set-up is so tender. The guy seems so sweet. So when thugs come to his house and beat him down, kill his puppy, it felt so unfair. A random act of violence a guy like this doesn’t deserve. Fast forward a few minutes into the movie and we learn Mr. Gentle is a retired hitman…

The story and set-up has really stuck with me over the years. I was so sure someone didn’t deserve bad stuff they got, but I made that judgment before I had all the facts. Once I knew he was a hitman, his fate didn’t feel so unfair. But this is a core problem for me – I believe karma has to follow my beliefs, shaped by my own ignorance and lack of seeing the whole picture, but the world, it doesn’t revolve around me. Karma works just fine whether or not I approve, my terms are not relevant at all.

If shit happens, it should. If someone gets something, they deserve it. There is only dukkha and disappointment for me in expecting anything else. In expecting my preferences to ‘be heard’.