I was in the bathroom, standing in front of the mirror, doing my usual morning beauty routine — lotions, positions, facercize, hair removal — and going through my usual mental exercise as well. Regularly, as I attend to my body, I try and remind myself that the reason I labor, I suffer, so meticulously beautifying and grooming is because of my delusion that this face, this body represents me, it is who I am. This morning though, my mind wandered a little…
I had been reading the NY Times and I came across an article that completely blew my mind: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/09/science/what-makes-sand-soft.html — it was about sand. Apparently, this seemingly simple, everyday substance poses one of the deepest challenges to physics, so much so that despite the efforts of some of science’s greatest minds, there exists no ‘general theory of sand’. Even in a closed system, like an hourglass, where you know the shape and size of the particles encased, the variables of how…
In the fall of 2020, with Covid still raging, and Eric and I still ‘sheltering in place’, we decided it was time to rent a country home — at least if we were going to be isolated, we could do it with plenty of space to spread out in. We found a nice sized home in Northern CT and signed a lease. Suddenly, all of my thoughts were consumed with the stresses of moving (in a pandemic no less);…
I started thinking that this Alana life — the body and the samutti that is Alana — is like a hotel room. While I am a guest, I get all the accompaniments to the rooms: I can use the pillows, robes, slippers, objects that ‘belong to the room’ (i.e self belongings) and I receive the status of being a guest at the property with the accompanying treatment (the way I get treated as Alana the degreed professional, or Alana the accomplished yogi)….
Following my retreat, I sent a few updates to Mae Neecha about my contemplations, progress and ongoing work; this is the second blog recapping those messages Part 2 – Second Email I wanted to follow-up on my email yesterday with just a little more deep dive on 1 issue that has been weighing on me –the idea that because I can be a cause I am somehow special, or my objects (especially body) represent me, or something I cause in the rupa world otherwise…
Following my retreat, I sent a few updates to Mae Neecha about my contemplations, progress and ongoing work; here is a recap of those messages. Part 1 — First Email Last night I was thinking back to a very strong childhood memory: as a young kid, my parents would take me to Disneyworld and I would rush to my very favorite ride –20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. It was a Jules Verne themed ride where you got into a ‘submarine’ and got…
I had an adorable pair of socks, they had a little cartoon apple on them and below the smiling apple face, they said ‘bite me’. When I saw those socks in the store, they made me chuckle aloud; I bought them imagining all the platies and yoga classes I would attend, where everyone could see my socks and laugh along with me, basking in my cleverness and my rye sense of humor. Now, the socks were starting to become threadbare, in…
After days using the exercise from the Anatta-Lakkhana sutra to contemplate my belongings and my body it started to become increasing clear to me that each object I contemplated on –every object in the world — is just marching through the shifting states of rupa. Clearly it isn’t you, you cant say that any of the 4 elements in any given combination, that will definitely disaggregate, is you. It isn’t representative of you either — it represents its march – its process of entropy, its process of…
Day 8: Part 1: Wedding Ring My wedding ring is not under my control (it was not mine, I had to part ways with it ‘against my will’). If my wedding ring were under my control, it would have never gotten scratched, or dull or dirty and dead skin never would have caked-up on the inside making it feel sticky. If my wedding ring were under my control, I would never have had to worry about it sliding down the drain when…
Day 7: Part 1: Louboutin shoes My louboutins are not under my control (they are not mine, their fading, decaying, breaking and eroding are inevitable — a normal part of their use). If my louboutins were under my control they would not scuff, the leather would not sag, they would never smell or get sticky and wet inside. If my louboutins were under my control their shiny red bottoms — the feature that makes them so special and unique — would never…
Day 6: Part 1 My Freezer My freezer is not under my control (its elemental composition shifts in accord with its nature, and not necessarily in accord with my actions nor my desires). If my freezer were under my control food particles would not clog the drain line, water would not pool and harden at the bottom, gashes and marks would not be left by accumulated ice, and the door would always be easy to pull open. If my freezer were…
Day 5: Part 1: My Peace Lily (Plant) My peace lily is not under my control (it is not mine, it is reliant upon its requisites). If my peace lily were under my control its leaves would never yellow and get brown spots, its stems would never become flaccid and sag. If my lily were under my control it would always be perky and erect and bright green and smooth, the way it looks when it is well watered and getting a good…
Day 4 Part 1: My Vacation Cabin is Not Mine My Vacation Cabin is not under my control (it is not mine, it cannot guarantee safety or protection). If the cabin were under my control, I would feel comfortable there all the time — there wouldn’t be dust everywhere, the hot water wouldn’t take forever to heat, the pipes wouldn’t creak and there wouldn’t be mold that aggravated my asthma. If my cabin were under my control the power wouldn’t just…
This contemplation is part of a series of exercises, derived from the Anatta-Lakkhana Sutra, that I did during my 2020 personal retreat. For more details please see the blog titled Introduction to Contemplations From 2020 Personal Retreat. Day 3: Part 1: My Jeans My jeans are not under my control (they are not mine, they change in accordance with their nature and not my rules, no alteration I make to them will avoid their final state of disaggregation). If my jeans were…
This contemplation is part of a series of exercises, derived from the Anatta-Lakkhana Sutra, that I did during my 2020 personal retreat. For more details please see the blog titled Introduction to Contemplations From 2020 Personal Retreat. Day 2: Part 1: My Fish Tank My fish tank is not under my control (it is not mine, it does not conform to my view of it, it doesn’t act in accordance with my imagination or fantasies). If my fish tank were under my…
This contemplation is part of a series of exercises, derived from the Anatta-Lakkhana Sutra, that I did during my 2020 personal retreat. For more details please see the blog, Introduction to Contemplations From 2020 Personal Retreat. To ‘celebrate ‘ my first day of retreat and to really make sure I had a through grasp on my homework assignment, I decided to do a little bonus work: In addition to comparing my bite guard to my teeth — 1 part of my body…
This contemplation is part of a series of exercises, derived from the Anatta-Lakkhana Sutra, that I did during my 2020 personal retreat. For more details please see the prior blog, Introduction to Contemplations From 2020 Personal Retreat. Day 1: Part 1: My Bite Guard My bite guard is not under my control (it is not mine, it does not obey me, it doesn’t act according to my rules and desires). If my bite guard were under my control it wouldn’t get thick with…
In August 2020 I decided to do a personal, self-guided, week-long retreat because I was unable to join the Temple’s Zoom retreat several weeks prior. I had learned from a friend about one of the exercises taught at the temple retreat and it deeply resonated with me, I decided to focus my own contemplations for the week on doing a deep-dive into this same exercise. The exercise was quite simple, a series of questions, framed as a conversation between the…
In July 2020 Mae Neecha sent over a video for me to view to aid my practice and fuel my contemplations. I am going to share the video below as well as and my reply to Mae Neecha (edited a bit for clarity) and her comments back to me. Though this video came from Mae Neecha, as opposed to Mae Yo, I am going to use the Mae Yo sequencing and tag in order to enhance searchable and organization of…
