A note to my readers: this blog is a direct continuation of contemplations from the 2015 Retreat: It’s multiple choice, but I always chose A (i.e.The Problem). If you have not already done so, head back and read that entry before you proceed further. Background Thoughts: For those of you who may be new to this blog, we are going to skip ahead to a conclusion easily born-out by 100 prior posts (about health, relationships, beauty, fear, etc) — my…

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I showed-up at the 2015 retreat with fresh emotional wounds hard won from the struggle of weighty decision making about my husband, Eric’s, next career move. Eric had gotten 2 job offers: A) from a company we will call F.U.ber, from the get-go we expected it would be painfully unpleasant, but secure and lucrative; and B) from a company called Sonos, which we expected to have good work life balance, in a nice Cali Coastal town, but with risky prospects…

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A brief introduction to the Jatakas: I suppose it’s not really something most of us Buddhists think about much, but the Buddha, who was superduppermegga awesome in his final life,  took awhile to get there. In fact, the Jataka Tales, which recount the past lives of the Buddha-to-be, have around 550 stories — not exactly instant enlightenment huh?   To me, it’s pretty heartening really, even the Buddha had to follow a path, perfecting himself along the way, till he…

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Dear Reader — This blog is a direct continuation of the last blog, I Won’t Be Leaving on That Jet Plane. If you haven’t already read that one go ahead and do so before you continue here. ____________________________________________________________________________ Over one weekend nothing outside really changed. And yet, a whole new ‘Jet set’ life, with new possibilities, was born in my head. And then in my head it died. Was Jet inherently risky/undesirable (as I had assumed at the start of…

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It was mid 2015 and Eric’s company was on the rocks. Massive layoffs were on the way and, like everyone else, Eric was looking for a way off a sinking ship. So, when he got a call for a great job in NY, at a startup named Jet, you would think I would be delighted. But, I was anti-delighted…The company (a startup), the move to a new uber expensive city (NY), it all felt too risky. Still, I reluctantly supported…

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Yup, I admit it, Vampire Diaries, The Originals, Charmed … I have a slightly unnatural love for the teeny bopper drama. The thing is these shows — rife with the undead, the supernatural, the witches, zombies, werewolves and end times — do double duty: 1) they are easy and fun to watch and 2) they make for excellent dharma contemplation. Seriously, the characters are so flat, the themes so black and white, the dharma lessons pop-out in the contrast. Which…

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Well Dear Reader, if you have followed even a few of my 100+ blogs to date, you will know one thing about me for sure –I am a worrier. ♪ I worry in the morning, I worry at night, I worry when it’s dark and I worry when its light. ♪ Sing it with me here ♪..I worry about my marriage, my beauty and my wealth; I worry when in sickness and I worry when in health. ♪ When life…

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So the last blog began with a conversation about ‘mess’ at the Wat and ended with an ah-haaaa moment about me understanding(ish) a path to make my heart neutral; to see not mess but  a pile of stuff without judgment or bother. But, there is a bit more to the story. A few contemplations, conversations and inputs that really helped me get there. So, although this a twist and turn in my timeline, in this blog I will share an…

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I was at the Wat and a friend was talking with Mae Yo about an issue of hers: She had asked someone to go to the store and pick-up a case of Coke, they came home with Pepsi.  Over and over she asked them to go and make and exchange and she grew more and more frustrated when they didn’t. The thing is, she already knew her wrong view: when someone fucks something up, they should fix it. She already…

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Why Do I do all this? It is so hard to peel back these tendencies and beliefs and find the why. Still, I think I have found at least a few reasons that play out in my tendency to imagine and seek “zones of comfort”, as well as in so many other wrong views: One: As I have already reflected in past entries, my self seeks safety. It creates narratives and interprets the “data” of my experiences in order to…

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Dear Reader — this blog is a direct continuation of the last entry, Wrong Views on Suffering and Happiness —What, How, the Lie and Why Part 1 and Part 2 — if you have not yet read that post yet please head back there and read it before you continue. The Lie: The problem is that my 3s and 4s (memory and imagination) –my self — is a liar. I know this because I have watched and gathered so much evidence of it….

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Dear Reader — this blog is a direct continuation of the last entry, Wrong Views on Suffering and Happiness —What, How, the Lie and Why Part 1 — if you have not yet read that post yet please head back there and read it before you continue. How: My 3s (memory) and 4s (imagination) plus self and self belonging give rise to my sense of happiness and my quest for it. Me and the Bench –a recap of the aggregates: I remember…

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Without further ado: My homework on my wrong views about ‘suffering safe zones’, the  two sides of suffering and happiness, and whether I can really call something sukka if what is outside of it is dukka… This contemplation around  the topic of suffering will be divided into 4 parts: What suffering it really is /looks like, how my wrong views about it arise and why they arise/the purpose they serve . Much of these thoughts actually started in response to…

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Mae Yo once told me to go look at the idea of preserving, to contemplate on refrigeration, because us humans are always trying to preserve. I’m no different, I’m always trying to either preserve a particular space/time/self, or– as my recent NY life has shown me– get back to the good stuff I failed to preserve. But thinking about the women and the wine glasses, the interdependent nature of suffering and comfort, was starting to make me suspect, I was…

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When I returned from Hawaii, my mule encounter fresh on the brain, I made an appointment to talk to Mae Yo. I had, after all, identified a huge tendency of mine, a deep wrong view in which I divide the world into neat little partitions: areas of suffering and areas of comfort. I live for those corners of comfort, my spaces of refuge from suffering — that peace, that joy, that comfort is part of my life, if only I…

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Eric and I were on vacation again, Hawaii’s Big Island, sitting on a mule drawn carriage taking us on a tour of the Waipi’o valley.  It was impossible not to enjoy a beautiful day, in a beautiful place, as the mules plodded along the path. But then, we hit a rough patch in the road, slippery from mud and puddles, and the mules began to lose their footing. They struggled and slipped, unable to pull the carriage any further until…

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If self is the storyteller, self belongings are the props that help make the story believable. They are the accessories that make the outfit, that make the whole thing pull together…Enter, the pink skirt: With my organization’s big annual gala in mind, I start trolling ebay looking for the perfect outfit. As soon as I saw that neon pink, silk, Oscar De La Renta  skirt, I knew it was mine. In my mind, I was wearing it before I even…

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This blog is a continuation of the previous blog — Some (More) HW on Self and Self Belonging. As I began to understand how the process of creating self and self belonging works, I struggled with my usual question: Why do I do this — prop-up a self and continue to fuel it? What purpose does it serve?  My contemplations so far had gotten me to see that my sense of self and self belonging help sell a lie about…

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