As I started the process of organizing my thoughts, my notes and my stories to write this blog, something became abundantly clear: My practice is a path, it has a particular progression to it. I suppose, on some level, I always understood that practice wasn’t just a random series of flashes from the darkness. But, it wasn’t until I started to really outline the first chapters of this blog that I saw that new stories built on old stories, new skills…
Once I had decided to become a Dharma Blogger, I faced an interesting question: What the heck was I going to write about? I started by going back through my very first notebook: reviewing, rehashing, rewriting old stories to turn them into blogs. As I immersed myself in all the old stuff, something crazy happened, I started powerfully seeing so much new stuff in all my old stories; it was like my practice was supercharged, like I was looking at everything…
Dear Reader — this is the second of two exchanges with Neecha that took place around the Dharma Meltdown period which I would like to share prior to entering the next ‘chapter’ of this blog. The entry here is a question about a Buddhist concept called Sammutti, or ‘conventional forms’. I was helping LP Anan edit his new translation of the Uturn sermon and it prompts me to ask, about a term/concept from the sermon: The term is Sammutti, usually translated…
Dear Reader — this is the first of two exchanges with Neecha that took place around the Dharma Meltdown period which I would like to share prior to entering the next ‘chapter’ of this blog. The entry here is a question for Mae Yo about focus: Question: I know that practice has 2 important components, wisdom and focus. I am clear on the wisdom part and, it feels like I become more and more clear on it with time. But the focus…
Before we move to the next chapter, present Day Alana, wants to share a few final thoughts. Mostly, I want to admit that the issue of my fear that I am a bad Buddhist has softened, but it is not gone entirely. I still don’t particularly enjoy going to temple and I still feel a bit guilty about it. Sometimes it is because I find temple distracting from my personal practice (too many random topics in a teaching when I…
So Dear Reader, we have finally made the first of our great catch-ups — here is the moment in my practice’s timeline where I decided to become a Dharma Blogger. Since it was so so so long ago that the prelude to this blog was first published, this week I want to offer a flashback to the beginning. Here it it again, A Prelude to This Blog. So, Neecha and Phra Anan actually asked me to start this blog years ago (2011)….
As I promised, I went home from the retreat and I really considered exactly what my meltdown was about (since a little dirt on pants is usually something I’m pretty calm about) and if my deep dark concerns were really rational. I typed-up my initial analysis and sent it to Neecha. You can read the email below: Hey Neecha, I hope you are doing well. I really want to thank you again for being there for me during the great Dharma Meltdown 2.0…
Mini Retreat Day had arrived and, encouraged by my grapes Ubai and my Outline to Enlightenment, I decided to put my big girl pants on and attend. Those pants however were not white. Instead, I wore pale beige – something I hoped was modest, appropriate and respectful, but not the white of the precept takers because I still didn’t feel ready to take those vows. The first night went smoothly enough, but trouble started in the morning. After a sermon…
So Dear Reader, in case you have not already noticed, I am a woman who likes control. And what better way is there to control than having a plan 😉? Obviously, this blog is filled with stories about my lack of control –of my best laid plans ruined by all sorts of stuff. But, being a planner isn’t all bad, it has helped me be a systematic thinker, an outliner, a big/small picture integrater. Its no surprise that at a…
It was a beautiful sunny afternoon and Eric and I decided to go for a drive to Napa. We were cruising along, top down, and I noticed the usually lovely, leafy vines were pretty barren. “Ah, of course, its winter” I thought to myself. Its not yet the time for grapes. Suddenly, an image –- an ubai — popped into my head, of a farmer standing in the fields yelling at the grapes: “Grow little grapes. Grow damn you!” he…
A close friend from the Temple and I were carpooling to work one morning when she asked the fateful question: “Hey Alana, are you planning to be at the mini retreat, the one where we will all take the 8 precepts and stay at the Women’s Center?” Those were basically her actual words, but what I heard was a secret message, roared in a loud, monstrous, voice saying something like, “if you don’t go to this thing, you are a…
Well Dear Reader, we have finally arrived at the beginning — the events/thoughts that immediately preceded the very blog you are reading now. I’ll set the scene for you… The time was early 2016 and my practice was gliding along quite smoothly. Until, it suddenly wasn’t: A close friend from the Temple and I were chatting and she asked what seemed like a simple question, “Alana are you coming to the upcoming retreat? We get to dress in white, keep…
In my endless quest to be beautiful, I stumbled upon what I thought was the holy grail — Korean beauty products. Snail serums, vitamin C-masks, kojac sponges, oh my! I did so much research, carefully scrutinized ingredient lists, read reviews: I knew, for sure, the green tea mask I picked-out was going to make me look like a 20 year old again. 1 week after I started using the mask though, I started getting these little white bumps all over…
It was that not fun time again; time to take my car in for servicing. Since the vehicle was under warranty, I had to go to a dealership and that left me with a tough choice to make — do I go to the far away dealer in the South Bay where I had bought the car? Or, ugh, to those assholes in Brisbane, a dealership a good 1 hour closer, but damn their customer service sucks. You see, I…
Background: There was a period of time in which LP Anan was using Aesop’s Fables as a tool to encourage students to think about Dharma; fables are a great way to help people see 2 sides of a story, to internalize, to become critical in identifying main points and themes. The contemplation I am sharing here was not one of these specific fable-related exercises, but rather my thoughts after hearing a Buddhism class recording in which students were discussing The…
This blog is a direct continuation of the last, Thoughts on Being Entitled Part 1, if you have not yet read that blog please go back and do so now before reading onward. Thoughts on Being Entitled Part 1 was from an email I sent to Neecha, in this blog I will share her response and some of my further thoughts. Neecha’s Response: It’s a crazy, complex cycle. I think that we carry a strong foundation of memory over…
This post is from an email I sent to Neecha summing-up some of my thoughts on expectations/ standards/ entitlement. The Situation: I overheard a donor asking my boss for a “favor”, which I thought was over the top, and my inside voice just said…”ugh, that donor is being such a &*%^. Just because they give a few thousand bucks, it doesn’t mean they deserve anything they want. They are acting so entitled.” So I went out on my lunch break…
I had been having a Line exchange with Neecha about how I am always trying to avoid ugliness and dirtiness in this world. About how I try to make the ugliness that does exist ‘over there’, i.e. not in my life. I gave the example of restaurants: I always check health code scores before I eat out and I am unwilling to go someplace ‘dirty’. Even still, I don’t ever want to sit facing the kitchen. I am afraid to…
I was walking down the street, a few days after New Years, and I saw tons of discarded Christmas trees on the curb. It occurred to me that just a few days ago, these trees were precious object. People went to a lot of work to buy their trees, hurl them home, set them up and lovingly decorate them. For a few weeks they were assigned such deep meaning — they were about family, celebration, traditions and joy. Now, they…
