This next ‘chapter’ of my practice begins with a bang: A trance-like state that struck me, seemingly outta nowhere, on the last night of the 2019 retreat. As I tried to make sense out of what I had learned from the state afterwards, Mae Yo and Mae Neecha sent me on a course correction — a series of contemplations meant to round-out my practice by helping me understand rupa (the form aggregate), and its relationship to nama (non-form aggregates of…
Some dear friends had come to visit and I planned a day out for them, and their 2 kids ages 2 and 4, to the zoo. Its about an hour drive from my place to the zoo and in the car both kids fell asleep. My friend, looked back at the 2 sleeping tots and exhaled deeply, with a sigh of relief, admitting she was overjoyed just to have a few minutes of ‘adult time’ to herself. The truth is,…
To celebrate Eric’s birthday I booked us massages and hot cedar baths at a spa in Sebastopol. We arrived, and just stepping foot in the door made me feel at ease — there was soothing music playing, a lovely koi pond, and the smell of lavender hung in the air. Baths were our first adventure, and we were shown into a large room with 2 tubs filled with brownish mulch — cedar from japan. We both slipped our clothes off…
I walked into Starbucks today and there was a homeless man making a mess at his table near the door, I felt myself move to give him wide berth, going to stand as far from his table as I possibly could while still holding my place in line. The truth is, the man, his rupa (physical form), disgusted me — the smell of filth mixed with urine, the look of his matted hair and scabby skin, his behavior of strewing…
While not exactly a continuation of the last blog, this one does take-up one of it’s themes — my need to be prepared. If you haven’t already done so, you may want to return to the story of my Epic Wardrobe Struggles and start there before reading the current blog. On the tail end of my vacation, I started considering one of the key drivers behind my packing stresses — my need to feel like I am prepared. This is a…
Counting down days to an upcoming vacation to Seattle and Napa, and suddenly I start wondering to myself, “what the hell am I going to wear on this trip?” I would rather wear pants than skirts, in case we are hiking a lot, but then I feel like I don’t have a jacket to match most of my pants. Plus, what if we want to go to a fancy meal –I will probably need at least one skirt. Should I…
A song came on in the radio today —Lean On Me— and I started feeling nostalgic, missing my old summer camp, where every year we ended the camp season singing that song around the campfire. The irony of my missing camp is this: I went to the same summer camp for 8 years, for five of those eight years, I was miserable; I was so unpopular, the kids all made fun of me, I missed my folks, I hated a…
Lately I have been contemplating on beauty. It is a quality so dear to me, I dedicate so much of my time, my energy, my possessions in service of it. When I think of a moment I consider to be one of my ‘peak beauty moments’ — standing in front of the full length mirror, modeling my bright red wedding dress, my super-fit 20 something bod and flawless dewy skin — it seems all rainbows and candy canes, the joy and…
Pain/pleasure, censure/praise, gain loss, fame/insignificance, as I was considering the polarity of the worldly conditions, it dawned on me that their pairings are inevitable; they will always come together, unbreakably linked for all time. The reason is simple — whatever has the ability to move in one direction has the ability to move in the other: If something can accumulate it can dissipate, if it can grow it can whither, the quality that allows for gain is the same quality that…
This blog is a direct continuation of the previous entry — Its about me and me. If you have not already done so, please go back and read that entry before you proceed here. On the tail of realizing that my own standards/impossible desires –and my inability to uphold them — lay at the heart of my negative feelings about my Mom, I started considering a few other troubled relationships in my life to see if I could find the…
Today I was at Whole Foods and a call came over the loudspeaker, ” Can the owner of the silver BMW with plate number XYZ please come to the front”. That was me, “that is my car” I said, as I rushed to the front desk. It turns out I had parked crooked over the line and the person in the space next to me couldn’t get out. I hadn’t realized I had done it, and I was already feeling…
This morning I was walking down the street and suddenly my peaceful stroll was interrupted by a bevy of honking: A bus was stuck behind a tow truck that was blocking the road and the bus driver was relentlessly laying on the horn. The thing was, the tow truck had no other place it could possibly go. In order to be able to tow the car that needed towing, to remove it from blocking another road, the tow truck simply…
I was at a coffee shop and they asked if I wanted my drink for here or to go. I thought for a second and figured I have the time to sit and sip, so I might as well take my drink for here and save the paper cup. The truth is, I have been thinking a lot about how much I waste lately; it’s kinda hard not to when every other story in the news is about how we…
I was watching a TV show where one of the characters was in the hospital, on his deathbed. Despite having a troubled life, and a painful disease that was finally killing him, he remarked to his daughter that, “it was worth it, I would live my whole hard life again, just to have the time I did with you.” “Not me”, I am thinking, “that whole ‘better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’ crap…
I saw a super old guy on the street, using a walker, hunched over, just trying to make it to the other side, but moving so so so slowly. His family was trying to help, speaking encouragement, but the guy was taking unbearably long… I started thinking, “That could be me one day. It was my Grandma Rose after all. What makes me think I’m special, that I am exempt from such a fate, from the fate of aging and…
Eric and I were in Japan over the holidays and my cousins needed a place to stay while they visited some family in the North East, so of course we offered to have them stay in our apartment. When we got home, they were long gone, but the house was a complete mess. They had left behind jewelry and hairbands, there were sticky patches and crumbs on the floor, it was clear based on beds and blankets, that my cousins had…
I was reading the news this morning and saw an article about 800 immigrants who traveled vast distances to respond to a court summons that ended up being fake. ICE issued them as part of a tactic to circumvent people’s legal right to a court hearing to seek asylum. My heart ached for these people, many poor, spending time, money, missing work, all to show up to a fake court date. I thought to myself, “they did nothing wrong, they…
Eric and I were traveling in Japan over the 2018/2019 holidays and we decided to spend a few days in Naoshima, an island in the Seto Sea famous for its many museums and art instillations. Eric and I went into an instillation, Backside of the Moon, by the artist James Turrell and the piece absolutely blew me away. Spoiler alert here: I am about to describe he piece, so if you had big plans to travel to Naoshima to see…
Last night I was in bed in my Manhattan loft fuming — the neighbors had lit an illegal fire, in a condemned chimney, and smoke was pouring into my apartment. For me, this type of situation is my worst fear, a reflection of my greatest sense of injustice; people being inconsiderate and breaking the rules, resulting in an affront to my personal safety. This situation felt particularly affronting because it is on the tail of my asthma flare due to…
