I came across an Atlantic article today, the upshot of which was that the secret to satisfaction has nothing to do with achievement, money, or stuff –the secret to satisfaction is wanting less.

As I was reading, I stopped to look out the window at the sunlight so beautifully shimmering over the water in the bay below. I took a deep breath, enjoying the view and then realized that this thing — this view – that I enjoy so much has already caused me a world of suffering…

Eric and I had been spending a few months in Miami. We were staying at a bay front property, an Airbnb, in the same apartment building my dad used to live. I loved the building, especially the view. But it isn’t enough to just enjoy this view, this experience of living in Miami again, while I have it. No! I want to claim it, I want to guarantee more of it in the future. So, I have already started hunting for real estate in this building, I have already had a ton of drama and fights with Eric over it too. Now, realizing that having what I have just makes me want more, I see that even if I get an apartment I want, I will find a way, a thing, to want all over again.

The truth is, I don’t even need to want MORE necessarily, sometimes it’s just the desire to keep what I have. The problem is, trying to keep what I have is more work, more stress, more sorrow when inevitable loss comes. I already have this view right in front of me; what I have already is clearly a burden.

Long ago LP Nut talked about a hike with LP Anan where he was asked to carry along a chair. The hike was long, arduous. The chair made it a terrible struggle. At the end, LP Anan asked –why didn’t you just put down the chair? Why is it I can’t put down my burdens?

I’m so afraid of loss, but gain is also a problem. Having is a problem. They are both burdens — the burden of acquiring, the burden of keeping, and the burden of loss only arise as a result of the burden of having. If having hurts and not having hurts then where is Sukka?

Sometimes I feel stuck, don’t know how to proceed, but I sort of do– look at the sing story. What is the point? That I never really have anything to begin with. It is just an illusion that it is mine. I struggle and fight to acquire and maintain simple to feed my illusion. A body , belongings are means not ends. What I use to move through this world.