In Nov 2019 Mae Yo sent me a number of YouTube videos to aid my practice and fuel my contemplations, this is the third in a series of blogs that documents my conversation with her/insights on the videos she sent. These are not as long as the pervious few conversations so I will combine several videos/comments in this post. Again, I will link the videos she shared below, I would encourage you to watch the clips prior to reading the rest of the blog.

---

Video 1: Sweet Cocoon

AD:  Thank you ka.  I really love this one ka.

AD: I put so much effort into beauty and my body because, on some level I think it makes me safe –exceptional and somehow exempt from death and decay. But beautiful butterflies and people die all the time. It is normal. There is no such thing as someone exceptional enough to defy the 3 common characteristics (impermanence, suffering and no-self). And trying to do so, with beauty or goodness, skill, wealth, and any other trait that makes me a special snowflake is so so much work for success that is temporary at best and failure that is ultimately assured ka.

Video 2 Dumbest Answers Family Feud:

AD: It seems so silly that folks keep doubling down on the same, clearly wrong, answer. And yet, isn’t that the reason I keep getting born? Like maybe this time will be different? Like I can tweak stuff a little, change the accent a bit like those women in the video (mom), and get a life where I really am in control, where I actually am special and exempt from suffering and unwanted change.

This morning I went to put a sweater on and I saw a hole in it. I was upset, a little surprised, after all, I have taken good care of it. But over and over my stuff breaks, it fails me. How do I still have any surprise left in me when rupa objects erode, when they don’t act any different just because I call them mine.

Video 3: Kid’s Thank You to Police 

AD: Ahh, its the old ego-stroking relationship cycle. I choose a quality I value and make myself feel special via my having/ relating to that quality. Then I get external validation of my own awesomeness when people who have the quality I like like me in return. In a mutual relationship it runs two ways where the other person feels validated as well by me.

In the clip the girl feels connected to law enforcement (identity) and builds relationships with police officers to strengthen that identity. The officers in turn take her appreciation as a confirmation of their own awesomeness and the cycle self-feeds.

This is a cornerstone of my relationship with Eric as well. Because I love him his love in return reinforces my sense of specialness ( I particularly look to him to make me feel like a good person). But the truth that I am just beginning to realize is it doesn’t actually help make me special or protect me from suffering. When my Dad got sick I clung to Eric at night hoping he could somehow make it ok. But my Dad died anyway, Eric couldn’t stop it; Eric’s love of me did not protect me from loss. In fact my love for my dad, my view of him as mine and special did not protect him either.

Mae Yo: Replied with a positive sticker