In Nov 2019 Mae Yo sent me a number of YouTube videos to aid my practice and fuel my contemplations. I am going to share the videos and my replies to Mae Yo, as well as her comments back to me. I intend to leave this conversations entirely unaltered. I am creating a new tag/section for these particular entries so they are easily delineated, searched and found. Nonetheless they also fit firmly in time, and content, within the Rupa For Realz This Time Chapter and will receive that tag as well.

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Mae Yo sent 2 videos, I have linked them at the bottom of the post. Please check-out the videos before reading so you have a sense of what I am talking about in my replies to Mae Yo.

AD: Mae Yo, I wanted to share some thoughts about the videos and then ask if you will tell me what it is you see in them/ why you chose these particular clips ka?

I saw the first video as an example of the process by which we can make something ‘mine’ and the perils that come. Mom’s past behavior of giving kisses (+ boys imagination of what moms do and what her future behavior will be) fed the boy’s idea that she was ‘his’ mom and the kisses were ‘his’ right.

When I think about a key characteristic of things I call ‘mine’ I see that I believe they will follow my rules, will act in accord with my imagination, and will make me feel special. But all things are subject to their own rules/causes and conditions, just because I call something ‘mine’ it doesn’t mean it will magically start obeying my rules alone and by doing so prove I am so extraordinary.

In the video, the mom had causes and conditions (late for work) that drove her behavior (not giving kisses that day). The boy however thought that because she is his mom, because she has always given kisses in the past, her behavior was guaranteed. The boy believed that his Mom was bound to do what he wants. When he didn’t get what he wanted/expected, when he was made to feel un-special, he was super duper upset. Which brings me to the perils…

I have noticed I don’t care much about how items/people that are not mine act. I don’t care when my friend’s phone breaks or some stranger’s husband cheats on them. But if it is my phone I am annoyed, if it were Eric cheating I would be heartbroken. There is a heavy cost to making something mine — suddenly I need to care for it, to worry about it, to bear the pain of loss for my items that I just don’t need to do for items that are not mine. I am just now starting to consider the why — why am I willing to make a trade-off to possess something? Do I even actually get what I think I get from it ( a puff to my ego  and the belief that can make myself more special, guaranteed a future outcome or be safe)  and if so, for how long? I am gathering evidence on this topic right now.

For the video with the bone girl, I didn’t see quite so much…mostly I just saw that my, and the audiences’, expectations of how the rupa of a little girl will act/know (like a kid)  was totally different than how she did act/ what she knew (like a Dr).

I suppose then, a big connection point between the two videos is that we respond to particular forms (moms or little girls) with an expectation about how those forms will act based on our 3s and 4s. But this world is full of examples where we get something totally different then our expectations and those trigger our emotions. Because I believe my view –my expectations– of the word instead of seeing it for what it truly is, I open myself up to a continuous emotional roller coaster… which is clearly getting old, otherwise I wouldn’t be practicing so hard to get off the roller coaster…

AD: If I can ask…what was it you saw in these? Thank you ka!

Mae Yo: I am thinking that ,who will benefit from it.

AD: I’m sorry I don’t understand ka…who will benefit from what? From the little girls knowledge? From the boy’s tantrum? Or who as an audience watching these will benefit?

More videos and more conversation to come next time – stay tuned…