I was in the midst of planning a little getaway for Eric and me. As I picked activities, restaurants, fantasized about future fun, I stopped to consider my homework: Prove everything is dukkha. That is when it hit me — times of enjoyment are just times I ignore the suffering that is always there. Vacation is just a short while when I don’t let the reality of suffering intrude upon my fantasies.

When I go on vacation, I simply ignore my to-do list of burdens;  I put stress aside and try to relax. But the reality is that none of my responsibilities, none of the things that weigh and stress me really disappear. In fact, when I return from a trip, that same to-do list is there to greet me, as well as a pile of new worries and responsibilities that stacked-up in my inbox while my out of office message was on.

I obsess about my body, my fitness, my weight. But on vacation, I tell myself to worry about it later so that I can indulge and enjoy. All while engaging in the very eating that will cause me shame and stress later. That will require vigor and effort and sacrifice to take off.

Since the tasks required to tend to a breakable, decaying, body are endless and routine, there always seems to be a mammogram, or broken crown, or some other painful, anxiety producing procedure/ appointment to tend to just after I get home. All through the trip I put it out of mind, tell myself to worry later about the worrisome things that are just around the corner.

Looming over every trip from the get go is it’s end. No matter the fun, the enjoyment, the lessening of stress and suffering, the short reprieve a vacation brings, each day of it brings me closer to it’s end. The suffering of loss is built in and pressing closer each day.

Of course a trip has its own dissatisfactions and discomforts. But usually I can put my routine- daily-big-hairy-stresses aside for a little while, look away towards the distraction that a trip brings. There are periods I ignore suffering, even as it lives, thrives and compounds. But whether I look at it or not, dukka is always there. Everything must be suffering because the highlights of my life are periods I try to distract myself and turn a blind eye to the suffering that is still so clearly there.