This Phone Strap is Not Mine

My phone strap is not under my control — it is wearing out faster than I want it to. At its current rate of wearing it is likely to become useless to me before I am ready to part with it, while I think I still need it. This phone strap is not my own because it will depart from me on its time and not on mine.

This phone strap is not under my control: If it were it would not be chipping and fraying before my eyes. It would not be loosing its beauty, its sleekness. At the very least, if it were truly my own, it would retain the glittery sides I like the best. But alas, as a result of the friction of the solid strap, against my solid wrist, the leather is fraying and cracking and glittering in the course of normal wear, of doing its job allowing me to carry the phone.

This phone strap is not under my control: If it were the leather would not stretch and weaken. Becoming easier to slip from my wrist and, eventually break apart all together. But alas, the heat of my hand, the sweat of my body, cause the strap to change shape. The weight and pressure of the phone it holds slowly stretching and weakening the leather.

This strap is not under my control: If it were it wouldn’t grow filthy, it wouldn’t be a “high touch item” a possible vector for viruses and disease. But alas, simply being in the environment were dirt and viruses and bacteria exist make the strap a vector for them. The 4e strap carrying the 4e contaminants that move onto my 4e body with contact between the solids.

Most of all, if my phone strap were truly my own, I could count on it going forward. I would know I could continue to wear it and use it to carry my phone in a fashionable way. But the fact that it is already looking tired, stretched and dirty, are sure signs the strap will not stay with me forever. I look at the strap and worry “when”, I plot and plan to replace it, “knowing” my need for the strap will outlive this particular strap.

Is the strap constant or inconstant? Clearly with its wearing and chipping and stretching and dirtying it is inconstant.

And is something inconstant stressful or easeful?

Clearly it is stressful: I look at the strap and feel disappointed, embarrassed to be needing to carry around something so shabby, something doesn’t jive with my high fashion, buttoned up alana identity. I worry about when it is time to get a new one. If I can find one that is as suitable as this one was back when it was new. I feel forced to exhibit special care of it. Take the time to clean it, to be gentile with it.

And is it fitting to regard something which is inconstant, stressful and subject to change mine?

I am working on getting to a no. For now here are my thoughts:

How can something that wasn’t always “mine” in the past, and won’t always be “mine in the future, be mine right now?

In truth, I didn’t always have this strap. Before, I carried my phone with other straps or other devices. When I was younger, I didn’t even have a phone at all. But now that I am using this strap, I have become attached to it.. Now, I worry about its wear and I worry about what I will do when it can no longer be used. I worry about this even though I was fine without it before.

I worry that I still need the strap, but it is wearing despite my need.  How can an item that wears when I still “need” it actually be my own? I consider how to fix it, how to replace it. Why, because I imagine I need it in the future based on my use of it in the present. I try to dictate the outcome of the object based on my perceived need rather than on the realities –the composition and change of the strap itself. But, it is impossible to deny that the day will come –sooner or later — that the phone strap is no longer with me.

The reality is, this strap will wear independent of my desire, my “need”. And while it does wear, even in the time I consider it mine,  it will shift through states that embarrass me, even states that endanger me, states that fail to meet my needs or my desired function. While I consider it mine, I will struggle and fight to preserve it, to keep it in a form I like best. Only to lose it despite all my efforts in the end. Then, ready  or not, the strap will depart from me, it will reach a state I can no longer use it.