I was driving from Connecticut to NY to get a laser treatment for my rosacea. The day before I had put the new luggage box on the car roof. Now the car drove sluggishly, lagged, gas mileage was way down. When I got to NY, I couldn’t find parking, the box meant I didn’t fit the overhead clearance in most garages. Clearly there were some serious downsides of the box I bought while imagining all the convenience and extra room it would bring me. Always there are unintended consequences that come with any benefit I receive.

I got to thinking about my rosacea, what if it is the same way? The unintended consequences of some benefit I chose, some circumstance I worked towards?  Rosacea after all is part of the ‘allergic trinity’, folks who have diseases like asthma, allergies, skin conditions because they are overly sensitive to their environment. But aren’t there boons of being extra attuned and sensitive to my environment? Isn’t that a way to ‘stay safe’, tune into dangers before they are perceptible to others? Isn’t my sensitivity a strength for my dharma practice?

I have always thought of disease as some kind of punishment. Karma whammies for being a bad person. But what if this view is overly simplistic? What if disease is just a consequence, a downside paired with an upside? I result of a choice or action we made? Isn’t this the truth of the world, two sides, causes and results, not Alana’s simplistic good/bad, naughty/nice, cookies/whammies.

Everyone has disease after all, its the human condition, only timing and details diverge. So how can I call health ‘proof of goodness’ and illness ‘proof of badness’?

Anyway, part of what triggered my rosacea was my brief obsession with 12 step Korean beauty regimen. Products that maybe in moderation help beautify, but which can sensitize as well. And is it this consistent with my gung-ho personality: When I do something I do it fully, moderation isn’t really my thing.

But is this bad or is this just consequential? The results I don’t like that I trade-off for ones I do? Maybe  my simplistic calculations of cookies and whammies don’t really reflect the world.