In fall 2021, I had been digging deeper on an old Ubai: The special snowflake. Below is a synopsis of my thoughts on this topic that I shared with Mae Neecha. As it is a fairly long synopsis, I will divide this into several entries. Before now, I saw clearly that when I consider the fact that each snowflake is special and unique in small ways, I miss the greater commonality — that all flakes arise when water reaches a…

Read More Read More

Recently I thought back to my days as a Candy Crush addict. For over a year, I played in much of my free time. I wasn’t just good, I was great. I grew-up playing puzzle games as a kid and with Candy Crush, I felt like a natural. Of course, lots of bucks that I could spend on extra lives, 99 cents at a time, helped as well. In time, I reached level 900+ and then, suddenly, I grew bored….

Read More Read More

Once again, I was out and about, and a handful of folks were breaking the law and not masking indoors. I get so frustrated with folks not wearing masks. I get so angry. It’s not just because they put me in covid danger, its not just because they break the rules, a big part of my rage stems from the fact that, in my mind, these folks are just so damn inconsiderate! In my mind, they don’t care about the…

Read More Read More

The other night, in a dream I had of myself as a teenager,  I became lucid, suddenly aware enough to realize I was ‘modern day Alana’ in my old teenage body.  In the dream, Alex — my high school boyfriend — and I were fighting, he said he felt smothered, like the relationship had moved too fast, he wanted to break-up.  I was clinging, devastated by the end of the relationship. When today Alana took over the scene though, I…

Read More Read More

I opened the news today and read that the CDC is not likely to approve boosters for the general public in September. Rage began to surge in my heart. I am furious! In my mind, over and over throughout this pandemic, the government has failed to keep peeps safe, to keep me safe. The CDC has lied, covered up information, been too slow to adapt and to act. And their ineptitude, it effect real people. It effects ME, my life….

Read More Read More

I was making some plans for a day trip, doing the research, the leg work, the planning, all the while imagining what a fun time I would have. Just as I caught myself looking forward to my trip, I realized that all the ‘looking forward to’ things that I do, all the effort I put into making them happen, relies on a pretty faulty assumption: That what I imagined will happen is what will actually happen. That the world will look…

Read More Read More

I caught myself sitting around and daydreaming; thinking of all the places Eric and I had traveled, back before covid, when we used to travel, thinking of all the places maybe we might be able to go again if its ever safe enough to get on a plane… I have all these memories of vacations, a collection of recollections of moments I had planned, experienced, fixated-on and identified with in the past. Over and over, I seek to arrange and…

Read More Read More

I was listening to LP Anan teaching and in a class he called out a fellow practitioner who continually has trouble with her mother-in-law. Specifically, she is jealous of the attention and financial support her husband bestows on his mother. LP asked her –if your husband were to leave you, but leave behind millions of dollars, how sad would you really be? She admitted upset, but that the money would certainly temper the emotion. LP called out the issue with…

Read More Read More

As part of my efforts to stave-off an autoimmune disease, my rheumatologist had recommended a regular program of 5 day fasts to help renew and regenerate immune system function. The fasts allow for a small amount of pre-allocated food – around 600 calories a day of bars and powdered soup – enough to make unsupervised fasting safe, but certainly not enough to feel close to full. On a recent fast, I woke up on day 4, out of 5, and…

Read More Read More

Many of you Dear Readers have perhaps already read my big ‘ah-ha moment’ blogs on everything is dukkha. These were so powerful and poignant, that I skipped ahead and published them real time. But, of course, there is a back story, a progression, a series of contemplations that brought me to that big ah-ha moment and in this next chapter of my blog I will share the trail of thoughts that got me there. During my long lockdown, I had been reading…

Read More Read More