…Interruption in our regulatory scheduled program: I know, I know, Dear Reader, you have gottta be thinking I am the worst, most scatter-brained narrator ever. I just got back to the program, and here I am with yet anoooottthhhheeeer interruption. Ugh, I know, but I promise its just a short reflection. One and Done… The other day, a friend (who incidentally is Buddhist-curious, but not a practicing Buddhist), asked me what my musings were during these crazy Covid times. When…

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This a continuation of the last blog. If you haven’t read previously then please go back and read ‘Interruption Part 16’. My Dear Reader, I thank you for bearing with me on this looooonnnggg interruption in our regularly scheduled program (an orderlyish, linearish blog tracing my meandering dhamma path), this will be the last posting in our Post-Retreat Interruption Series. It is simply a brief reflection of what I have come to understand my path to be. A long time…

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This a continuation of the last blog. If you haven’t read previously then please go back and read ‘Interruption Part 15’. In this blog, I will begin just after the last blog left off and end with a much more recent contemplation, from 6 months later, when I circled back to the topic of meaning in rupa and found a new depth and clarity. If you recall, in the last blog I came to realize a big mistake: All this…

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This a continuation of the last blog. If you haven’t read previously then please go back and read ‘Interruption Part 14’. As a recap: My contemplations had landed me in another ‘stuck spot.’ Namely, I had come to recognize that every arrangement of rupa contains only 4 elements. But, somehow, I still believed that there was a deeper meaning — loved/just/fair/safe/etc. — reflected by rupa. Moreover, it seemed like rupa could portends the future, if only I could ‘interpret’ it…

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In the wake of my cake baking contemplation and seeing the extreme limits on my control/tendency to use rupa arrangements to define who I am, I had gone to get my nails done. About a week later, looking down at them, I caught myself feeling surprised that the polish had started chipping so soon. At lightning speed, I caught myself thinking, “I have been being so careful with them.” Then it hit me– it’s not about me. My actions are…

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After all of my contemplations I was beginning to see that there was nothing innately special in my objects or my body. Just varying, shifting arrangements of 4 elements. I knew I was not my arrangements, and yet, I couldn’t shake the belief that those arrangements, and my ability to bring them about, must prove something about ME. Alana the great arranger!  I knew I had a huge wrong view remaining – that because I am a partial cause for…

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This blog is a direct continuation on the previous blog, “Interruption Part 11: A Major Breakthrough Part 1”. If you have not read that blog yet please go ahead and read it first before you continue on with this one. Does rupa do what I think/ want/imagine in an absolute sense or in relation to myself?  Is a quality fixed/innate in myself — Again I started thinking about beauty. I realized that if my 20 year old self saw my 40 year…

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  After Several weeks of chewing on all the insights I had gained during and after my line Chats with Mae Neecha, I felt finally ready to send a synthesis of my thoughts and understandings to Mae Neecha and Mae Yo. Below is the email I sent. I have divided it into two parts/ blogs as it is quite long. Hey Mae Neecha — I sure do hope this email finds you well. It has been a few weeks, so I just…

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Several weeks after I had closed-out my exchange with Mae Neecha I went back to review our Line chat and see if I could squeeze any more wisdom juice out of it. I saw the following exchange: A: I still think I can use my cute yellow purse to convince people of my awesomeness even if I don’t really control the bag itself.  Actually, I think I can convince some people some of the time. But that is enough… MN: If its…

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A Post ‘Course Correction’ Plan for Further Progress A: I think I have a plan for right now: 1) look for evidence that shit doesn’t turn out like I expect and see both sides/full picture more clearly ( example: the restaurant we are on last night had good food, but the seat cushions were all stained and it disgusted me). 2) look specifically at my belongings. What are their nature (4e) where do they come from, go, how do we…

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This blog is a direct continuation of the 6th, so if you haven’t covered it yet, please head back there to read that one first. In that blog we explored how rupa forms the foundation for concepts like love, hate, goodness, cleanliness, etc.  We left off with a simple question I had for Mae Neecha: What is the rest of the story? Here we will recap a bit and then launch into ‘the rest of the story’, which really amounts…

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So, a little warning Dear Readers: This next blog is a bit our of order. It is a continuation of the Part 5 blog and will start out exactly like that blog and then go in a completely separate direction. So, if a few sentences in you have that creeping deja vu feeling, please press-on my friends. “How can this be?” you may be asking… “I thought you were trying to give a blow-by-blow as close to real action report…

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On to the Hard Stuff…This blog is a direct continuation of the last, so if you haven’t covered it yet, please head back there to read that one first. As a recap: the last few blogs have pivoted off of questions Mae Neecha had asked me early in our conversation: “Is hot and cold generally the same for humans? For instance, desert temperatures are hot, arctic temperatures are cold? Is human hot and cold the same is kangaroo hot and…

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Rupa Beyond the Basics – How Rupa Lies at the Foundation of Concepts Like Safe, Clean, Good, Etc.  If I understand what rupa is –alternating, shifting, decaying arrangements of 4es – and I am still consumed by desire for it, it points to another problem: I am dazzled by what I think rupa represents, what it MEANS, or what it guarantees. That, and I don’t truly see its shadow side, the pain and suffering it delivers to my life. I don’t yet feel exhausted by its impermanence, its unreliability…Ugh, clearly,…

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