I was watching a TV show where one of the characters was in the hospital, on his deathbed. Despite having a troubled life, and a painful disease that was finally killing him, he remarked to his daughter that, “it was worth it, I would live my whole hard life again, just to have the time I did with you.” “Not me”, I am thinking, “that whole ‘better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’ crap…
I saw a super old guy on the street, using a walker, hunched over, just trying to make it to the other side, but moving so so so slowly. His family was trying to help, speaking encouragement, but the guy was taking unbearably long… I started thinking, “That could be me one day. It was my Grandma Rose after all. What makes me think I’m special, that I am exempt from such a fate, from the fate of aging and…
Eric and I were in Japan over the holidays and my cousins needed a place to stay while they visited some family in the North East, so of course we offered to have them stay in our apartment. When we got home, they were long gone, but the house was a complete mess. They had left behind jewelry and hairbands, there were sticky patches and crumbs on the floor, it was clear based on beds and blankets, that my cousins had…
I was reading the news this morning and saw an article about 800 immigrants who traveled vast distances to respond to a court summons that ended up being fake. ICE issued them as part of a tactic to circumvent people’s legal right to a court hearing to seek asylum. My heart ached for these people, many poor, spending time, money, missing work, all to show up to a fake court date. I thought to myself, “they did nothing wrong, they…
Eric and I were traveling in Japan over the 2018/2019 holidays and we decided to spend a few days in Naoshima, an island in the Seto Sea famous for its many museums and art instillations. Eric and I went into an instillation, Backside of the Moon, by the artist James Turrell and the piece absolutely blew me away. Spoiler alert here: I am about to describe he piece, so if you had big plans to travel to Naoshima to see…
Last night I was in bed in my Manhattan loft fuming — the neighbors had lit an illegal fire, in a condemned chimney, and smoke was pouring into my apartment. For me, this type of situation is my worst fear, a reflection of my greatest sense of injustice; people being inconsiderate and breaking the rules, resulting in an affront to my personal safety. This situation felt particularly affronting because it is on the tail of my asthma flare due to…
It was November 2018 and I had managed, by coincidence, to escape smoke from the fires raging in Northern California by a single day. My flight back to New York from an important event I had been working out in San Francisco departed early in the morning, by afternoon fires had created all kinds of delays and cancelations. Smoke filled the skies of San Francisco, air quality went to the danger zone, friends were texting me pictures of orange and…
I had been reading an article about how precarious life is for people living in rural China who were not issued government identification cards. Without the ids, they struggled to find work, they were unable to travel or to access medical care, education or state aid. It sort of shocked me that something so small — an id card — can make the difference between a life of ease and a life of struggle and uncertainty. It seemed so unfair,…
Eric and I were watching one of those reality home building shows today; a couple had worked hard, had long and successful careers, and were now building their dream home, on their dream plot of land. Only the land they chose was the top of a cliff, overhanging the ocean, with sandy earth that was sliding away. When the engineer came to make a first assessment, he told them the dangers and difficulties of building there – the erosion was…
This post shares some highlights of a daily, self-assigned, homework exercise to explore the role of imagination in my day-to-day life. This blog is a direct continuation of the previous 2 posts; if you haven’t already done so, please head back and read those before proceeding. I was sitting in a park today and there was a free concert preformed by an Orthodox Jewish band. They were singing in Hebrew, songs I knew so well from my childhood. As…
This post shares some highlights of a daily, self-assigned, homework exercise to explore the role of imagination in my day-to-day life. This blog is a direct continuation of the previous post, The Tyranny of Imagination; if you haven’t already done so, please head back and read it before proceeding. I was planning a little weekend getaway with Eric. I thought to myself, this is what I think my retirement/perfect future with Eric is going to look like — continual travel,…
After the Kathina ceremony, while I was helping clean-up at the Wat, I started talking with LP Nut about managing my anxiety. Something he said really hit me: Everything I worry about — my cancer-de-jour, financial ruin, heart attacks, house fires, a life without Eric — it all comes from my imagination. My dis-ease arises in myself (thanks #4). Not quite buying the premise, I retorted that there are events in life that really are sad, or bad, or worth worrying about….
One of my coworkers has a dog, named Pizza, whose frequent trips to the office are a delight for everyone — he is so cute and loving, always ready to play and help take the edge off a stressful workday. Pizza is my doggie ideal; a fluffy little Schnauzer mix, that is more fur than dog. Until, one day, when he wasn’t… One morning, I heard the jingle of Pizza’s leash and went out to the hall to greet him….
Dear Reader – this blog is a direct continuation of the preceding blog, Goodbye Goyard Part 1. If you have not yet read that post then please go back and read it before you start on this next entry. I am looking around myself at all these items I have laid out to consign, each one telling me a truth about myself and about this world. A part of me so desperately wants to hang on to many of these items, a purse I may ‘need’ later, a pair of shoes just-in-case they are the perfect match to an…
Dear Reader, I am republishing putting this blog, which originally ‘aired’ back in Nov 2018, to put it into chronological sequence. I hope the redux, in its original context, provides additional insight. I was thinking about the upcoming Kathina ceremony, an important holiday in the Buddhist tradition, and decided I really wanted to make an offering to the temple – to the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha – that means something special to me. It’s hard to explain, but I felt like money alone simply wouldn’t do. Sometimes, when I give money it feels like donating food when I am full; I wanted this gift to feel…
Dear Reader, the next few blogs are reduxes — blogs which originally ‘aired’ back in fall 2018 which I am put it into chronological sequence. I hope these reduxes, in their original context, provide additional insight. I was recently in Boston and took a guided tour of the Black Heritage Trail, a path that links more than 15 pre-Civil War sites important in African-American history; the stories of American abolitionists (folks who fought for the elimination of slavery) were a central theme…
My friend was antsy to travel, but after asking everyone in our social circle, she couldn’t find anyone who would agree to be her travel partner. Finally, she asked me. She expressed her longing to see the world, and her disappointment that since her divorce, she had no one to join her. She told me of her deep desire to spend time with me, to feel connected. She was so earnest, so desperate — I didn’t want to go, I…
A note on timing: The next few blogs are from contemplations that took place during the 2018 Vassa Period. In other words, they are interspersed in time with the ‘fact finding’ activities posted in the previous blog section. In a few, you can clearly see the influence of my ongoing activities exploring impermanence, control and my sense of specialness. Yesterday a friend told me that a mutual acquaintance of ours, Jill, had at long last found a job after…
This blog is the part of a series where I will share a selection of the daily dhamma data collection/ exercises, which I committed to for the 2018 Vassa period. Today’s selection will all be highlights from the month of October, 2018. For more details on the exercise and commitment, please see the this blog. Impermanence Today I saw two twin looking trees in a field. The same type of tree it seemed, one was all green and the other was…
