In August 2020 I decided to do a personal, self-guided, week-long retreat because I was unable to join the Temple’s Zoom retreat several weeks prior. I had learned from a friend about one of the exercises taught at the temple retreat and it deeply resonated with me, I decided to focus my own contemplations for the week on doing a deep-dive into this same exercise.

The exercise was quite simple, a series of questions, framed as a conversation between the Buddha and the practitioner, to guide contemplation on the nature of self in regard to our bodies and our physical belongings. The contemplation begins by taking an object that we own and considering whether or not that object is really under our control. It then imagines the Buddha asking the following questions to which one must formulate a reply:

1. “Alana, is your ____ (object chosen for contemplation) constant or inconstant?”
2. “And Alana, is something that is inconstant stress full or easeful?”
3.  “Is it fitting to regard what is inconstant, stressful, subject to change as: ‘This is mine’. ‘This is my self’. ‘This is what I am’?”

The same considerations and questions are then internalized and applied to one’s body. Rinse and repeat.

I had already been hot and heavy on the topic of the 4 elements, self and self belonging for over a year, so this new ‘take’ on my old contemplations was deeply appealing. But what really moved me about this ‘exercise’ is that comes straight from the Anatta-lakkhana sutra (literally translated the characteristics of not-self sutra): These are teachings straight from the Buddha’s mouth, and damn are they juicy ones!

The Anatta-lakkhana sutra  methodically and brilliantly lays out the evidence for why the 5 aggregates are not ourselves; each of the aggregates are subject to dis-ease, they do not abide by our orders/rules, they continually change, and they cause a shit ton of suffering, so what business do we have regarding these as self? Each aggregate, is subject to the 3 common conditions (suffering, impermanence, no-self), what we regard as ‘self’ (i.e. the 5 aggregates) is not exempt, not different or special.  At least for the OG listeners of this sermon, when they really saw these aggregates –everything in the world — for what it was (suffering, impermanent and not-self) they became disenchanted. “Disenchanted he becomes dispassionate. Through dispassion he is released.”  This sutra is literally a how-to-guide for enlightenment!

The first level of enlightenment deals specifically with correcting our wrong views vis-a-vie rupa, the aggregate of physical form. This is the focus of the exercise,  a deep dive into the nature of rupa/4 elements to understand whether or not objects can really be ours. Can they follow our rules and meet our expectations if they arise and cease based on, and are bound to follow, the rules of rupa (the rules of the world, i.e. the 3 common conditions)? Can things made of elements, that predictably come together and then disintegrate into their elemental parts, be with us forever?  Will they be there when we want/ or need them? If not how do we justify calling these items ours? Doesn’t the indisputable nature of these objects (to change, to not do our bidding) stress us the fuck out? Don’t we feel loss, disappointment, pain, distress and despair on account of the nature of these objects (or rather on account of our desire for them to be other than what they are)? Can we really say that something that causes us suffering and stress is us/ours/represents us? Spoiler alter here: The answer of course is NO, the sutra tells us as much. But the exercise is about more than just saying no, it is about PROVING NO, to ourselves, finding no in our hearts. That was my goal for my retreat, and the next few blogs will share my own efforts at the exercise from the Anatta-lakkhana sutra to get there.

Afterall, when in doubt, the Buddha’s own words are the perfect guide to practice!