Eric and I were spending 3 months in Miami to pass the winter and be close to my family. I was delighted, having the time of my life; I wanted to stay longer, to settle down, Eric who was not quite as enamored, was unsure.  Still, because he loves me, Eric offered to buy me a place in Miami. He offered to commit to several months a year there. I, however, wanted more.

I was upset, snippy with Eric, his compromise wasn’t enough for me. He was giving part, I wanted all. He was begrudging, I wanted enthusiastic. It wasn’t enough that Eric was willing to do all this for me – I wanted him to want the same thing as me.

Eric pointed out how unreasonable I was being, how poorly I was treating him when he as so willing to meet me more than halfway. He was right of course, I apologized, felt contrite.

Later in the car I was still feeling guilty for my treatment of Eric and got to thinking about the whole issue more. Here, I had such an amazing husband, a partner really and willing to give and to compromise, but I was still dissatisfied. I wanted more. But even as I craved more, demanded more, behaved poorly doing so, I felt burdened by the debt I owe to Eric, for being such an attentive partner, for taking such good care of me, for giving me everything in his power to give me even when, reflecting on my behavior, I feel I don’t deserve it.

If I have, but I want more, this is dukkha.  If someone can have as much as I do, and still there is ALWAYS ROOM FOR MORE, there is always dukkha. And if having, getting, creates a weight of debt, a burden to pay back, this too is dukkha. Where does dukkha end if craving continues in such a peak life?