2020 Retreat Part 6 — A Freezer/Lungs That Shift According to Their Elements Instead of My Wishes Can’t be Mine
Day 6: Part 1 My Freezer
My freezer is not under my control (its elemental composition shifts in accord with its nature, and not necessarily in accord with my actions nor my desires).
If my freezer were under my control food particles would not clog the drain line, water would not pool and harden at the bottom, gashes and marks would not be left by accumulated ice, and the door would always be easy to pull open.
If my freezer were under my control, it wouldn’t shut off just because the power went out in the house or the landlord unplugged it. It would be something I could always rely on, mine to use whenever I needed it.
At the very least, if my freezer were under my control, it would wait for a convenient time to clog, or be unopenable, or power off — a time when no pandemics or hurricanes threatened my food supply.
If my freezer were really under my control, my panicked cries of, “please don’t clog, please please open, whatever you do don’t go out,’ would have moved my freezer to leap into action, and its thermostat to stay at a safe zero degrees, if not forever, than at least in the times I felt like I needed it the most.
But the reality is, my freezer is not under my control. Multiple times in the last few months, my freezer has broken or shut off, independent of my action, independent of my ‘need’ for it to work.
The state of the freezer changes in accord with its elements, and in the process of interacting with elements in its environment. A crumb of food (4 e) can move into the drain line and, at a certain temperature, cause the water that flows through the line to freeze/harden and block further movement though the pipe. Water can move onto the freezer floor, solidifying at a certain temperature and blocking the door from moving/opening.
A storm, or an individual, can remove the freezers’ requisite — electricity — and it will cease to function all together.
“So Alana, is that freezer of your constant or inconstant?” “Oh great Dharma Lord, I have a trash bag full of melted food that proves it is inconstant — temperature changes, tubes clog, door opens only sometime and when the conditions for complete shut-off are met, it shuts off entirely.”
“And is a freezer that is inconstant the cause of suffering or ease?” “Lord, it causes stress and suffering by the boatload as I worry about the food inside, and how I will get it fixed and if it is even fixable at all.”
“Alana, if you don’t control the freezer, it is inconstant and it causes you suffering, does it make a ton of sense to call the thing ‘yours’?”
“This contemplation is a work in progress Great Lord, but I can say this: my freezer has proven to me that it acts in accordance with its nature — when elements in the environment, like food particles in drain lines, cause it to shift, its composition shifts and, in the case of my freezer it shifted enough that its function was altered.” When the freezer was deprived of its requisite — power (heat) — it ceased functioning all together. Though I want to rely on this freezer, it is unreliable. Do I really want to call something I can not rely on my own?”
Day 6: Part 2: My Lungs are Like My Freezer
My lungs are not under my control (their elemental composition shifts in accord with their nature, and not necessarily in accord with my actions nor my desires).
If my lungs were under my control particles of pollen or dust would not cause my airways to begin to close, mucous would not pool and harden in them, scars would not be left by the process, and the lungs would always be able to inhale and exhale smoothly.
If my lungs were under my control, they wouldn’t just stop oxygenating my body because they weren’t getting sufficient air. Obviously, if my lungs were under my control, I could always rely on them, they would be mine to use anytime I needed them.
If my lungs were really under my control, the sound of gasping, the feeling of panic and weakness and lightheadedness, would act as their command — I wouldn’t even need to say, “breath damn it, breath”, before air was smoothly flowing again.
But the reality is, my lungs are not under my control, during countless asthma attacks my lungs have broken or shut off, independent of my action and independent of my desperate ‘need’ for them to work.
The state of my lungs change in accord with their elements, and in the process of interacting with other elements in their environment. A bit of dust or mold or pollen (a 4 e object) can move into my airways and, even at normal body temperature, cause mucus to flow and harden/thicken to block further movement of air to my lungs. In the absence of my lungs’ requisite –air– they can cease to function all together and are unable to oxygenate my body.
“So Alana, are those lungs of your constant or inconstant?” “Great Lord, every single asthma attack proves they are inconstant — I can be rolling along, minding my business, lungs breathing perfectly well and then suddenly they are struggling to function.”
“And is a set of lungs that is inconstant the cause of suffering or ease?” “Great Lord, the throws of an asthma attack are extraordinarily stressful, panic sets in at being unable to breath. Even when I am not suffering the stress of an actual attack, I have to worry about attacks, worry about carrying medicine, worry about going to the doctor and making sure I am prepared for any attack that may occur.”
So Alana, if you don’t control your lungs — an organ lodged at the center of our body, and organ utterly essential to your body’s continued function, those lungs are inconstant and cause you stress, does it make sense to call the things ‘yours’?
“I can’t say with certainty they are mine, unfortunately I still can’t pinky promise, with absolute certainty, they aren’t mine either, my mind requires more convincing. What I can say though is that these lungs, over and over, have proven they act in accordance with their nature — dust, pollen, mold, or smoke have all caused the composition of my lungs to shift and their functioning was altered. When the lungs are deprived of their requisite –air (as well as food and water and correct temperature) — they can cease functioning all together. No matter how much I want to rely on these lungs, no matter how much that I value and hold dear (my very life) rides on them, I know that I can not count on them to be reliable. So the real question is whether something that I can only use some of the time, when it’s own nature and conditions permit it, is something I can rightfully claim belongs to me? Perhaps it makes more sense to say I can use it for a little while…
