2020 Retreat Part 5 — A Peace Lily/Body That Are Reliant on Their Requisites Can’t be Mine
Day 5: Part 1: My Peace Lily (Plant)
My peace lily is not under my control (it is not mine, it is reliant upon its requisites).
If my peace lily were under my control its leaves would never yellow and get brown spots, its stems would never become flaccid and sag. If my lily were under my control it would always be perky and erect and bright green and smooth, the way it looks when it is well watered and getting a good amount of sun, when the soil is packed with nutrients and at the right level in the pot.
If my plant were under my control, I wouldn’t need to find it a plant-sitter when I travel, it would just patiently wait for me to return, still healthy and perky and bright. And at the least, if my plant does need a plant sitter, it wouldn’t look even better, with new buds and new leaves, after leaving it in someone else’s care than it looks when it is in my own care.
If my lily were under my control when I talk to it (and yes, I do talk to it) and gently say,”Hey there little peace lily, you are looking sad and saggy and brown today, how about you perk up for me and look all green and fresh blooming today?” And, silently (because duh, plants can’t talk back) my little lily would go full, thick, foliaged bloom.
But the reality is that my little lily is not under my control. The lily is dependent on its requisites — water and sunlight and soil nutrients — in correct proportions to live and thrive and grow. Any imbalance of these has an effect, sagging stems and un-greening leaves and thinning foliage, too much imbalance and the plant will die.
The lily is affected by other 4e objects in its environment, bugs can attack it and consume the leaves, fungus can attack it and consume the stems. A plant-sitter can change its environment or proportion of requisites and it can bloom and grow in response, even if I think, “its not fair my plant thrives so fully when someone else cares for it.”
The lily’s own, internal composition of 4es — its nature — drive it to form flowers at a certain stage of its life, to bloom, to wither and eventually to die, independent of how much I (or my so slightly-too-skilled plant sitter) provide it with its necessary requisites.
“OK Alana — lets do the questions then”. “I’m ready to go Great Lord”
1) Is your little lily changeable or unchanging? “Lord, the way may little lily changes –not just every day, but even over the course of a day — are plain for anyone to see. I can watch it droop when it needs water and perk up again within a few hours after receiving it. I see leaves grow through phases of green and yellow and even brown, I see soil levels decrease and the plant grow taller and wider. I see new leaves form and fall off, new bugs grow and wither.
2) Is a plant that changes stressful or easeful? ” Here is the thing Lord, I love that little plant, it makes me so happy when it looks full and fresh and healthy. When it begins to sag though, as it changes, it makes me depressed to see a limp brown thing sitting on the corner of my desk. But, as it freshens and perks again, I am happy (though a little less happy if it perks under my plant sitter’s care instead of my own) — my emotions are dragged around, pulled-up and down, by this little plant, that is the most stressful part of all.
3) Is a plant that is not under your control, that is changeable and causes stress something you ought to, something that you logically are able to, call your own?
“I hear you Lord, it’s a great qq that I still can’t give a flat-no to yet, but I can say this much: That lily ticks along, growing, blooming, sagging, perking, yellowing, greening all according to its nature rather than my wishes. It is dependent not on me, but on its requisites. It lives and thrives dependent on these requisites and it ultimately dies independent of how perfectly or thoroughly it has acquired them.
Day 5: Part 2: My Body is Like My Peace Lily (Plant)
My body is not under my control it is not mine, it is reliant upon its requisites.
If my body were under my control my hair would never gray, my skin would never get red and brown spots, my muscles wouldn’t go flaccid and my skin wouldn’t sag. If my body were under my control it would be perky, bright and smooth, the way it looked back when I was fit and firm and radiant at 25.
If my body were under my control, I wouldn’t need doctors to prescribe meds, stylists to cut my hair, facialists to clear my acne, parents to care for me when I am young, or Eric to care for me when I am sick. This body would not rely on no one but myself.
If my body were under my control, my will would be its command. The word — the mere thought — to be perky, bright, fit, healthy, alert, strong, raring to go, would result in perkiness, brightness, fitness, health, alertness, strength and ability to go go go till the cows came home.
But the reality, that I so hate to face, is that my body is not under my control. My body is dependent on consuming requisites — food, water — in correct proportions to live, thrive and grow.
My body is affected by other 4e objects in the environment, bugs can attack it and consume its blood, fungus can can attack it and consume its skin. Animals can eat it, cars can crush it, bacteria and viruses can enter it and shift its state and composition creating illness. Excess cold can freeze tissue causing frostbite and excess heat can raise body temperature causing brain damage.
The body’s own, internal composition of 4es — its nature — drive it to grow, to go through puberty and menopause, to deplete collagen and sag, to age and wither and eventually die, independent of how much I offer it requisites or protect it from other 4e objects in the environment. When the conditions for gray hairs, skin spots, flaccid muscles, fractured bones, brittle nails, wounds, reflux, worn joints, thickened arteries and altered hormones have been met, gray hairs, skin spots, flaccid muscles, fractured bones, brittle nails, wounds, reflux, worn joints, thickened arteries and altered hormones will ensue no matter how much I don’t want them to.
Are there things I can do to alter the arrangement of 4es in my body? Sure, I can pluck gray hairs, bleach skin spots and moisturize dry skin. But these alterations do not prove my control — if I were in control my hair would not gray, my skin would not spot or dry in the first place. And at least, if it did, my fixes would be permanent, not temporary, and I could ultimately decide and dictate the fate of this body.
“OK Alana — lets do the questions then”. “Copy that Great Lord”
1) Is your body changeable or unchanging? Clearly this body changes Lord. Not just every day, but even over the course of the day, I can watch skin get dry and flaky and then plump and moisturize after I apply cream. I can feel alert in the morning and unable to fight sleep that same night. I have watched it change from child to teen to twenties, 30s, and now 40s: weight has changed, body shape has changed, face sagged, joints have stiffened, sun spots have darkened and esophagus has eroded. Change has been unceasing.
2) Is a body that changes stressful or easeful? My body is my number one cause of stress My Lord. I love it so much, I depend on it, it brings me such joy when it is pretty and fit and healthy — when the skin is spotless and the hair all brown, when the muscles are taunt and the fat at a minimum, when the joints don’t catch and the brain feels alert and awake. When it sags and fatigue and grows blotchy or feverish though it makes me so depressed and afraid. I feel loss. I feel anxiety about future loss. But after I lose weight from a diet, after my rosacea meds heal skin spots, after biopsies return normal, my sense of elation and ease soar. I live a painful emotional rollercoaster because of how I react to this body.
3) Is a body that you clearly don’t control, that changes and stresses you the hell out something that you ought to, something that you logically are able to, call you or your own or representative of you?
I desperately wish I could just say no and be done already, but I know I can’t deceive either you Great Lord nor to myself. Here however is what I can say:
This body ticks along, growing, blooming, sagging, perking, coloring, thickening, thinning, fatiguing, waking, pained and sickening and healing all according to its nature rather than my wishes. It lives and thrives dependent on requisites, its form depends on elements. Nothing about this body exists ‘outside the system of the world’, there is no way to exempt it from being impacted by the process of shifting and changing configurations. Even if I could guarantee optimal nutrients and environment for this body it will die. Its journey ends in the same exact termination point as plants and cars and clothes and homes and every other body.
